The literal Pain of Gain

I am at a stand still...What do you do when the doc says you either plateau or gain weight OR the alternative is hospitalization and tube feedings. TUBE FEEDINGS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME? I cant do this...I wont do this. I absolutely refuse to go into a hospital to have a portal for 'substance' shoved down my already caved sinus cavity into a pit known as the stomach. I wont do it. I wont you hear me!